Saturday, 28 February 2009

How my friends think I should start the weekend

Got these in my in-basket this morning. Are my friends trying to tell me sumfin?


My uncle got a vasectomy. Put it on MasterCard. Forgot to pay.
The finance company came over and knocked up his wife


The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the head sperm.

"As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red sticky ball, which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm the Egg.' From that moment on, you will work together to create the embryo. Do you understand?"

The sperm nodded affirmatively and the head sperm wished him luck.

Two days later, the sperm was taking a nap when he heard the siren. He woke up immediately and ran to the tunnel. A multitude of sperm swam behind him. He knew he had to arrive first. When he was near the entrance to the cavern, he looked back and saw he was far ahead. Then he was able to swim at a slower pace until he reached the red sticky ball. When at last he reached the red sticky ball, he brightened up, smiled, and said,

"Hi, I'm a sperm."

The red sticky ball smiled and said, "Hi. I'm a tonsil.


In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve=2 0is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.


Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

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